S.O.S.

S.O.S.

SHINY OBJECT SYNDROME

Patients may deny having S.O.S. or not realize they are experiencing S.O.S.

Symptoms: Patient may experience bouts of prolonged concentration with inane tasks including, but not limited to a) Trying on all the makeup they’ve had since 1983 b) Using a toothpick to clean out the gunk and crumbs that have collected in the cracks of their table over the years. c) The compulsive need to rearrange furniture. d) Chronic list making on how they are going to accomplish every goal and project they can think of. This often includes many sub-lists. e) Prolonged periods of answering every post on loops, building their farm on Facebook’s Farmville, or filling out surveys which could garner them cash and prizes.

Obvious signs of somebody experiencing S.O.S. are habitually painted finger and toenails, perfectly sculpted eyebrows, all their loose change is wrapped, and any important task or goal, such as a half finished manuscript, will be scattered about, forgotten.

Warning: Approach victim with extreme caution. Many times they are irritable, or will display false cheeriness. This is when they are the most dangerous. They may chatter nonstop, jumping from subject to subject. They may press you into watching a fashion show containing all the new purchases they’ve made during the height of their S.O.S. episode. They may also become argumentative when asked about their work in progress. Avoid bringing up the subject until preliminary steps are taken.

Treatment: Lure patient away from the site of their focus, i.e. under the bathroom sink or out of their children’s closet. Use whatever means necessary, chocolate, Margaritas, or pictures of naked men.

Often an intervention or a support group will be necessary. Contact your local writing chapter or group.  They should be sufficiently trained in dealing with the patient and getting them back on track. There are also many online programs and workshops that can help the patient become less focused on organizing their photos and more focused on their writing.

Successful treatment will hail phenomenal results.

 

With successful treatment a patient will lose interest in domestic chores and shopping. They will once again become reclusive, preferring to write or edit over socializing. They will come out for brief periods of time to participate in extra curricular activities such as going to work, restocking the house with food, or to mate. These are all normal symptoms of a successfully treated case of S.O.S.

If you know somebody suffering from Shiny Object Syndrome, seek help. Your friend will thank you in the end.